Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
