I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
