cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
