Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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