Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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