ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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