So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
