therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
