you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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