So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
