I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
