We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
