Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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