dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
