he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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