do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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