You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How naked do you want me to be?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize