Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
