The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
