so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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