we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
