we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
