So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
