Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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