Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
