I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
