wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
