i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
