She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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