no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
