And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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