dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
