he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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