Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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