Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
