I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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