It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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