We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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