dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
