Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
