So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
