you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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