Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
