ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
