Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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