I wanna passion pit in your ass
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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