I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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