One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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