Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
