Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
