Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
