i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
