Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
