is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
