Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
