I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
