She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
