Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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