we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
