Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
nutella sex= disaster
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
