I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
