somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
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I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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