Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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